day one

So, I've decided to start the blog thing.  I often lay awake at night, alone with my thoughts and decided maybe the best thing to do is to write them down.  I often forget the things I think about at night, even though they often seem like important thoughts.  And besides, doesn't everyone have a blog these days, I guess I'm just going with the flow.

Anyway, I feel much better today.  Yesterday, I was morosely depressed.  I felt heavy and like I just wanted to sleep all day long.  I resisted the urge to sleep, but felt useless anyway.  I think I should start running, ok, start walking.  I feel fat, and lethargic.  But today, I feel a bit better, not quite so heavy.  I really need to clean my house and take a shower.  If I look at myself objectively, I think I look clinically depressed, but I know depression, and I don't think I'm really there.  I have spent so much of my life depressed, I kinda feel like if I'm not planning my death, I must not be that depressed.  And besides, what do I have to be depressed about?  I have four wonderful kids, I'm going to law school in the fall, and I'm back to living in the Pacific Northwest.  Live is good.  Right?  Right?

On the other hand, as I sit here and rot my brain on stupid television shows, all of these reality shows about picking out wedding dresses and buying houses, I think there's a conspiracy to make me feel like a loser.  I've been divorced for over two years now, I'm all alone.  I'm struggling with coming up with the money to move to go to law school, too.  I don't make enough money to live, let alone move.  Who has thousands of dollars to move when they're living on a fixed income?

Well, I guess I'll wrap up my first blog post.  Sounds a lot like whining, but maybe this will help.  I often feel the need to write and it does seem to be rather cathartic.